It is to vent.
(I think I may have taken to venting too much on Facebook recently, so thought I'd better bring it back over here, so as not to get unfriended in mass amounts and so the general public doesn't have to suffer along with me - you know, unless they want to.) :)
First week of Januray of this year, after some mild cheating, I succumbed to yet another flare.
And this, the first week of May - I am still battling the same stupid flare.
And I am so over it.
Over fighting a losing battle.
Over sleepless nights, because any time I lay down and roll over, it feels like a sucker punch to the gut and leads to a trip to the bathroom.
Over passing on social activities, either because I simply don't feel well or because there will be food involved (which is pretty well any American activity, right?).
Over feeling run-down and weary.
SO over plain hamburger meat, plain chicken, broth and cooked zucchini.
Over being cranky and resenting anyone who can eat what they freely wish and don't have to worry about consequences.
Over counting down to the weekends every work week, just so I can be home and do as little as possible, recoup as much as possible before the next week and cook without being rushed or exhausted.
Over sacrificing SO much and still seeing such little progress.
Over believing and trying to convince myself (and others) that Paleo is the key to life and that I don't want 'junk food' as much as the next girl.
And over feeling guilty about that.
Over absolutely no comfort food whatsoever. When I could really use it the most.
Over all of it.
Even in the midst of the battle, I recognize that I have been abundantly blessed as well. So, in an effort to give credit where it's due...
I am grateful.
Grateful for my job.
Grateful for a desk job.
Grateful for insurance.
Grateful for a job that's close to home.
Grateful that my co-workers don't take scowls too personally.
Grateful for the concern, encouragement and prayers of co-workers, friends and family.
Grateful for a sister who offers to board me so she can take care of me.
Grateful for a mom who's willing to hem pants for me because they're the only pants in all of Kohl's that actually fit my waist now.
Grateful for a week off from work to get some solid R&R.
Grateful for beautiful Spring weather to enjoy; cool breezes on sunny days.
Grateful for a supportive UC community.
Grateful for access to healthy food items and the resources to fund them.
Grateful for vitamins and supplements that help keep me afloat.
Grateful for countless resources to refer to to know what the body needs.
Grateful for cousins who support and encourage from a place of complete understanding.
Grateful that diet does help, at least to some degree.
Grateful that even though I'm not out of this relentless flare, some 4 months later, I'm not as bad as I was a couple months ago, in some regards.
Grateful that I have more to be grateful for than not.
So, take that, UC.